A Former Evangelical Pastor Shares His Struggle with Mary.

As an Evangelical Pastor who became Catholic, I have often struggled with Mary.  This issue, for me and for so many other Evangelicals, is the chief of struggles in coming into the Catholic Church.  More than the Pope, more than church authority, more than Purgatory, more than anything else, the struggle for many who come into the church has to do with the Catholic perspective on Mary.  I have often pondered why this is the case.  What is it about Catholic culture that is so weird in regards to their relationship with Mary that makes it painfully difficult for Evangelicals to enter into the church because of it?

I have been a Catholic for 9 years now and have had some pretty significant Marian experiences, relationships with people who are Marian devotees, and have worked for an organization that, to put it mildly, are “extremists” in Marian devotion.  All this to say, I have been immersed in the Marian culture pretty deeply.  I have tasted the water.  I have drunk from the well.  I have seen the beauty and the good that comes from Marian devotion.  But still, deep down inside there is this inkling of an Evangelically formed identity within me that is a bit squeamish when it comes to some things that I see and hear within Catholicism regarding Mary.  This article tries to put that squeamishness to words.

Let me present an allegory that I hope fleshes out the tension within me regarding Marian Devotion.   

My Friend

When I was a boy, I developed a great childhood Friend that, to this day, has been the joy of my life.  When we started out as boys, we began to do whatever boys do in the prime of their boyhood.  Play sports, catch crawdads, ride bikes, play war, trade baseball cards, etc.  Hours and hours of time I spent with my Friend.  As we grew older together, my friendship with Him also matured.  We experienced much deeper conversation.  I could literally tell Him anything I was thinking and feeling and I would never feel threatened or unsafe.  His love for me never failed.  We cried and laughed and talked and sang and sat in silence and gazed at the stars together for hours upon hours upon hours.  He knows me better than anyone else in the whole world.

Then there were the times where I desperately needed His aid.  He would always speak the truth to me when I needed the truth.  In times of war He saved my life and carried me on His back when I was injured.  When I was strapped for money, He came through.  Without a job, He gave me a reference and pulled through yet again.  I was having extreme marital difficulty, and He helped me through that whole process.  There was that season when I was deeply addicted and unable to see clearly, and yet again, my Friend was there guiding me along, helping me and restoring me inch by inch.  Come to think of it, every single experience that I have ever been through, both good and bad, my Friend has been there alongside me the whole way.  I can literally call Him my savior in life, my Guide, my Confidant, my Healer, my Doctor, my Therapist, my Companion, my Commanding Officer and General, my Northstar, my God.

I owe everything to Him, and to this day, there is nothing that would deter me from my  faithfulness in friendship to Him.

My Friend’s Mother

Now, although my Friend is amazing, I have to tell you about His mom, too.

His mom is beautiful.  I’m not just talking about beautiful in looks.  She is that, too.  But when I say the word beautiful I mean all encompassing.  Her personality, her virtue, her joy, her magnanimity, the way she treats me and cares for me as her own son.  She is personable, piercing, caring, gentle, truthful, honest, patient, kind.  There isn’t a time I can remember with her that isn’t a good memory.  There are those times of course, where, like all moms, she told me some things I didn’t want to hear, but in a way where I listened to her more than I would listen if my own mom said it.  Nevertheless, great memories.

There have been many times over the years when I would go over to my Friend’s house (he still lives with His mom) and I would begin to just hang out with His mom.  I would talk to her, tell her about my day, listen to her tell stories about her life, which would always end up being about her Son.  She would bring up perspectives about Him that I had known, but with her telling it it brought a totally different light to Him.  Weirdly, my friendship with Him became better and richer and deeper because I would spend time with His mom.  At least this is the way I saw it.

My “Other Friends”

Let me tell you about my “other friends.”  These friends of mine are mutual friends of my Friend.  Just as He had saved my life and walked with me in every area of my life, as only the best of friends could do, He also did this with them.  I have never been envious or jealous of His love for them because, well, He has given himself fully to me as well.  He is like an endless well who constantly gives Himself to everyone who is willing to be friends with Him.  These “other friends” of mine owe everything to Him just as I do, but they have an issue with the way that I hang out with His mom.

They sometimes accuse me of going over to His house not to hang out with Him, but rather they say all I really desire is to hang out with her.  I realize that I love her deeply.  Not romantically, of course.  It isn’t like that.  I just want to spend time with her.  She is “that” type of person.  I am better when I am around her.  I could sit at her kitchen counter and we could talk for hours.  I could share with her what is going on in my life and I could listen to her for hours telling stories and giving advice.  She rubs off on me and I cherish every opportunity I can get with her.  By getting to know her, of course I am getting to know my Friend too.  She always points me to Him, always dotes on her Son, always encourages me in the direction of friendship and loyalty to Him.  She has dedicated her whole life to Him, that is clear.  Every fiber in her soul is directed toward His success, and of course, that has rubbed off on me too.  I would never not be more loyal to my Friend after spending time with her.  But, as my “other friends” say, sometimes it sure seems like I would rather spend time with her than Him.  They think I am so mesmerized by her that all I can think of and do is think of her in my time of need.

My “Other Friend’s” Concerns About All the Time I Spend with my Friend’s Mom.

My “other friends’ remind me that during all that time that I choose to spend with His mom, they are actually spending time with Him.  They go on and on about this.  You should have been there when we saw Him do this, or when He told us this.

Admittedly, my other friends, in general, do have a lot more intimate knowledge of first hand accounts of Him.  I could spend a lot more time getting to know Him in these ways too, but I haven’t done that.  Admittedly, when I do spend time with her she does tend to reiterate the same 15 or 20 points about His life over and over again.  And even though these points are the heart and soul of who he is as a person, sometimes I wonder why I spend so much time in conversation with her about these points when there is an ocean of scripture that could also help me understand these points perhaps even more profoundly. I have to admit, when I think about it from that perspective it is a bit strange.  Out of all the time that I have, I probably spend much more time talking to her than I do talking with Him.  I don’t know why I call her all of the time when I could talk to Him, especially since He is the one who has walked by my side this whole time and been there for me every step of the way.

They bring this point up too.  They accuse me of going to her for help in a disordered way.  For example, there have been multiple times when I was in a real pickle in life and rather than call Him, even though I knew He would pick up the phone, I called her instead.  Why? They ask.  Why not just call Him?  Why I don’t spend every waking hour of my time with Him is beyond them.  There have also been the times when my language is a bit confusing to them.  I have said things like, “His Mom protects me” “His mom answers my prayer,” “His mom comes through for me,” “His mom saved my marriage,” “His mom provides for me.”  This language, admittedly, does sound strange, especially since I kind of know that it isn’t His mom that saved me, or answered my prayer, or came through for me in this or that instance.  It was Him.  It was His providence, His all-knowing wisdom, His perfect timing, His care.  But for some reason I use language that makes it sound like she is the independent agent that does all the work.  I realize she works through Him.  I realize that the power that she has is given to her through Him, and I also realize how when I say these things it sure sounds like I think she is God-like.  My language attributes power to her and omniscience to her in a way that probably should only be attributed to my Friend.  I don’t really understand why I say these things in this confusing way, but I do.   

My “other friends” think my behavior is so strange that they have even accused me of being “in love” with her and worshipping her.  I mean, I do understand where they are coming from.  I do have a lot of Facebook posts that say nothing about Him.  I have an enormous amount of pics only of her.  I even have little mementos around the house that remind me of my time with her.

Even though the time I spend with her is perhaps disproportionate to the time I spend with Him, and even though sometimes I attribute things to her when in reality it is His hand that provides grace, I continually reassure my “other friends” that I am still friends with Him.  They just don’t understand.  By spending all this time with His mom, that is my proof that I am actually friends with Him.

Conclusion

Hopefully, this allegory produces a good bit of tension for both the Evangelical and the Catholic. Is it weird?  Does it make you squeamish? Is my relationship with my Friend’s mom normal?  Are my “other friends” rational in their accusations?  This is the tension I have dealt with as an Evangelical who is now fully Catholic.  I hope this helps you ponder and sympathize with both sides.